Spring - Summer 2019

I can’t believe I used to take photos and write up posts every single month, and then suddenly 10 months passed and I hadn’t produced anything. Up until now, I’d been making monthly photo albums and notes since 2011.

But here I am, mustering up the effort to go through the meager collection of photos I’ve taken. It seemed a little absurd to lump together all 10 months into one post, so here’s half a year’s worth of photos instead.

Spring was beautiful in California this year. We had endless rain.

I remember the drive from SF to LA— I was in shock the entire time by how lush the hills were. They’d never been such a vibrant green.

One day in the middle of the afternoon, the sky began dumping water and waves of hail came pounding down against the cement. What a sight— rain and hail in April.

With the rains came the superblooms. California golden poppies everywhere, brighter than the sun in these verdant fields.

My cousin and I frolicked among the flowers and fled the geese that guarded the lake.

I’ve spent more time with my family than with any single person and yet time passes without us saying anything to each other.

Even so, there are a million little things understood without words, things that occur weighted with more meaning than any speech can convey.

In the theory of Love Languages, people communicate their love in one of five ways— time spent together, words of admiration, gifts, physical touch, acts of service. For us, the last is the foundation of everything. The grandest display of love is the sacrifice we make for each other. The long work days to support the family, the meals cooked and seasoned with tradition and time and effort, the plates of fruit painstakingly peeled and sliced after dinner.

One of my greatest struggles this past year has been reconciling myself with the reality of my relationship with my family. I’ve often wished that we could have something resembling the stuff you see on American TV— times when we talk and cry together, advise and reprimand and guide each other, play and find joy in our company.

But this is not our reality.

Our reality plays out like planets in a solar system, orbiting the same star, unable to break free of its gravity. Occasionally our orbits align but more often than not, we float alone in the abyss.

But maybe the beauty in our relationship isn’t in the spoken conversations we don’t have. Maybe it’s found in watermelon cubes delicately cut from the rind and packed into plastic tupperware so I can eat it on my drive up to San Francisco.

My friends got married!

How beautiful. This is going to be a running theme for the next few years. I’ve got a wedding each season for the next year and a few upcoming engagements with wedding dates to be decided.

I try not to let these moments give me existential dread as much as possible and instead focus on the happy couples. How exciting!!!

Most days during this time frame, I didn’t really do too much. I swam a few times times a week. Went to the cafe to study or apply for jobs or just read or get out of the house every other day.

Besides that, I slept a lot, like 9 hours a day and played video games and hung out.

Here’s a montage of the things I did.